When we dream, our brain does many things, like processing what happened during the day and figuring out how to solve problems. So, it’s not surprising that someone we love, or have lost, might appear in our dreams. Experts say there are several reasons why this happens.
Dreams Are Tools
Dreaming about someone we’ve lost is very common, especially when we’re grieving. “Dreams about loved ones who have passed away can be a normal part of the grieving process,” says Dr. Michelle King. Studies show that over half of people have dreams about deceased loved ones. These dreams can help us deal with pain and eventually accept the loss. However, people describe these dreams differently. Some say they feel comforting, while others find them unsettling.
Dreams Help Us Make Sense of Loss
Grieving is a complex process. Margaret Pendergrass, a grief counselor, explains, “Our brains are trying to process what happened when we dream about a loved one we lost.” It’s the mind’s way of making sense of something that feels senseless.
A Desire to Reconnect
Sometimes, dreams happen because we miss the person and want to reconnect with them. Dr. King says, “In these dreams, the person might appear as though they’re still alive, reflecting the dreamer’s desire to feel close to them again.”
Messages From the Brain
Many people believe dreams are messages from their loved ones. But Dr. King clarifies that it’s actually our brain sending us these messages. “Dreams where a loved one seems to give advice are more about your own emotional state,” she explains. It’s the mind’s way of sorting through emotions or seeking guidance.
Unresolved Feelings
If the dream feels upsetting, it might mean there are unresolved emotions like guilt, anger, or sadness tied to the person. These dreams can help us work through those unspoken words and lingering feelings.
Reflections of Memory
Dreams often bring up past memories, both happy and sad. Dr. King says, “These dreams may reflect moments from our past that we’re still trying to process.” Losing someone can remind us of things we didn’t fully understand before.
Not an Exact Science
Dream interpretation isn’t always precise. Dr. King explains, “The meaning of dreams varies depending on personal, cultural, and situational factors.” While it’s not an exact science, understanding dreams can help us process emotions and feel better.
History of Dream Interpretation
Dream analysis has been around for centuries. Hippocrates believed dreams could reveal medical conditions. Modern psychologists like Freud and Jung think dreams show unconscious thoughts and feelings. Although we can’t know exactly what every dream means, experts agree that working through dream-related emotions can improve mental health.
Waves of Grief
Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline. Instead, it comes and goes like waves. You might feel okay one day, but a dream could remind you of unresolved emotions. These feelings don’t follow specific stages but can return unexpectedly.
The Stages of Grief
The stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—were first outlined by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969. These stages can also apply to big life changes, not just loss. Grieving is different for everyone, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.
Coping With Grief
Grief takes time, but some tools can help you move through it. Here are some ideas:
Write in a journal (especially about your dreams and feelings).
Talk to a grief counselor.
Stick to a regular sleep schedule and get enough rest.
Practice mindfulness through yoga or meditation.
Eat healthy, balanced meals.
Exercise regularly.
These habits improve overall health and help with managing stress, sadness, and anger. For some people, extra help like therapy or medication may be needed. Taking care of your emotional health is essential to prevent burnout or overwhelming stress.
